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Patron Saints
1. St. Morrison — Patron Saint of Doughy, Exposed Phalluses
2. St. Bobbitt — Patron Saint of Bleeding Stumps
3. St. Cassidy — Patron Saint of the Sweet, Sweet Can
4. St. Aguilera — Patron Saint of Stanky Panties
5. St. Humbert — Patron Saint of Inappropriately Fiery Loins
6. St. Holmes — Patron Saint of Jiggly Tubes
7. St. Fredericks — Patron Saint of the Immaculate Flossing Thong
8. St. Trebek — Patron Saint of Smug Know-it-All Bastards
9. St. Buffy — Patron Saint of Tumescent Fanboys
10. St. Diddy — Patron Saint of P. Rofits from Others’ Talents
11. St. Martha — Patron Saint of Obsessive-Compulsive Materialism
12. St. Austin — Patron Saint of Painfully-Ubiquitous Catchphrases
13. St. Pamela — Patron Saint of Lucrative Lovesacks
14. St. Cheney – Patron Saint of Hunchbacked, Heart Diseased Masterminds
15. St. Victoria — Patron Saint of Clandestine Whack-Offs
16. St. Halford — Patron Saint of Closeted Metalheads
17. St. Stephanopolous — Patron Saint of Overexposed Media-Whores
18. St. Heston — Patron Saint of White Trash Paranoia
19. St. Rather — Patron Saint of Bizarre Late-Night Colloquialisms
20. St. Tori — Patron Saint of Plastic Surgery Disasters
21. St. Shatner — Patron Saint of the Eternal Convention Circuit
22. St. Jacko — Patron Saint of Prepubescent Frolicking
23. St. Potter — Patron Saint of Endless Franchises
24. St. Quaid – Patron Saint of Public Cuckolding
25. St. Marlon — Patron Saint of Wealthy, Gelatinous Oddballs
26. St.’s Mary-Kate and Ashley — Patron Saints of Pre-Teen Hookers
27. St. Hefner — Patron Saint of Priapic Septuagenarians
28. St. Russell — Patron Saint of Stray Celebrity-Wives
29. St. Contempo Casuals — Patron Saint of Cameltoe-Inducing Stirrup Pants
30. St. Oprah — Patron Saint of Ball Busting Bourgeoisie Cows
31. St. Winona — Patron Saint of Echoing Hoo-Has
32. St. Zsa Zsa — Patron Saint of Ironic Has-Been References
33. St. Carson — Patron Saint of Undeserving Celebrities
34. St. Danson — Patron Saint of Obvious Toupees
35. St. Presley — Patron Saint of Fatal Bowel Strains
36. St. Leno – Patron Saint of Grotesquely Misshapen Skulls
37. St. Helene — Patron Saint of Those Who Clip Their Nails On The Subway
38. St. Ardith — Patron Saint of Bristling Outer Nostril Hair
39. St. Frankie — Patron Saint of Navel Lint Collectors
40. St. Jim — Patron Saint of Puppet Wranglers
41. St. Cindy — Patron Saint of All-Night Fisting
42. St. Delores — Patron Saint of Wand-Shaped Neck Massagers
43. St. Amorata — Patron Saint of the Sacred Wet Spot
44. St. Neville — Patron Saint of Snivelers
45. St. Blotto — Patron Saint of Sloppy Business-Trip Affairs
46. St. Engorgiata – Patron Saint of Shameful Nocturnal Emissions
47. St. Louie Louie – Patron Saint of Subliminally Homoerotic Fraternity Anthems
48. St. Schlomo — Patron Saint of Funny Yiddish Accents
49. St. Jenna — Patron Saint of the Holy Raging Kegger
50. St. Swaggart — Patron Saint of Recreational Enemas